***This post IS about me hurting people that I care about.  This post IS about me being mean to friends that do not deserve it.  This post is NOT about my sexuality in any way... you would have to be an idiot to get that from this post.***

As we grow older we start to learn who we actually are.  When I was a kid I thought that I was just a normal person, that nothing was wrong with me.  Recently, I have been finding out that there are a lot of things wrong with me.  I just wish that I could change them. 

I know I'm supposed to accept myself for what I am, but I don't want to.  I want to change.  I can't change.  I've tried and tried and tried and promised to try to change.  I don't think there is any hope left.  I am what I am.  

I'm just going to have to accept that.  I love people.  I accept that.  I hurt people.  I accept that.  People that love me love other people too.  I don't want to accept that.  I have to, though.  That's what I want to change.  I wish I could accept that people love other people other than me.  It's hard.

 I know God made me this way, but that's not an excuse to be a horrible human being.  I mean, I am losing friends and ones that I love because I treat them badly.  I don't understand me...

Fight!  Fight!  Fight!  That's all I ever do...fight! 

 It seems like I can never have a normal, peaceful conversation without bringing up something that will tick me off or tick the other person off.  Why is that?  Is it a sub-conscious thing?  I don't get pleasure out of it because I absolutely hate fighting.  There isn't a point to it. 

I mean, sure I like to push people's buttons a little bit just to see what they're response is going to be, but lately it has been a long, drawn out dilema.

I feel like I'm writing to Dear Abby. 

Dear Abby, what is this problem of mine, and how can it be solved? 

Signed, Adolf Hitler

Currently Listening Christmas Shoes By NewSong see related

Only two more weeks of school left until the Christmas break!  I'm so excited!

Coronation was last night.  Megan and I did pretty good hosting it, and I didn't mess up on my song either.  Yea, go me!  Oh yeah, and I got Duke.  So, I guess that good, right?

Another thing, I don't know whether or not to get a dorm room or an apartment next year during college.  What do you guys think?

I want to tell all my Athens friends that I had fun with them Friday night, too!  I love you guys!

I can not wait to get out of this house!  Last week I was overdrawn $116.03.  It was not my fault, I swear.  Okay, so it kind of was, but still...I just wasn't thinking.  I thought that my current balance was actually my current balance, but it wasn't.  It was my balance before my previous transactions went through.  I hate technology!  Then I lost $20.  Kill me now...

Now, the parentals are saying that I can't go anywhere because I've been going everywhere lately.  I really need to see my friends in Athens.  I mean, they are like my best friends, and the parentals just don't understand that. 

A lot more shit is going on too, but I can't really elaborate on that.  Just please, please pray for me.  Thanks!